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Hamburg Firestorm "The Work of Arsonists"

BERLIN -- Today a senior Reichstag official stated that not one bomb has yet fallen on Germany, ensuring the Fuhrer has kept his promise to the German people.

When questioned about the recent destruction of Hamburg, Dusseldorf and regions of West Berlin, the official admitted that currently Germany has an arsonist problem, which is being dealt with swiftly and efficiently. Blame has been placed on people with the name "Dave."

These people have been blamed for the starting of fires every night in co-ordination with enemy planes flying over our land in an attempt to steal our woman and children for terrible experiments and to feed their generals who are cannibals!

A spokesman for the Bavarian police constabulary said "All sie people named Dave in sie area have been rounded up und sent to detention zentres across sie land! Vie expect to see a drop in sie numbers of fires in sie region, particularly as vie have hidden several of our major cities by erecting large blow up trees ontop of sie important buildings, making zem seem like sey are forest land, please do not tell anyone sis!"

The recent spate of firebombing is likely to stop shortly because of the stepped up police effort against Daves everywhere, and also the improved Flak and night fighter defences should stop abductions of our citizens for the allied general's dinner parties.

Remember though, this does not make you safe, please remember to take out your new government insurance policy which covers you in the event of abduction by allied aircraft to be eaten by their general staff!

This new insurance voids the insurance on your home in case of theft or fire but protects you against allied abduction, and it is only 3000 Reichsmarks more than you are currently paying.

In other news all insurance claims since 1939 for "bomb damage" have now been made void because there is no proof of any bombs falling on Germany.