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Hamburg Firestorm
"The Work of Arsonists"
BERLIN -- Today a senior Reichstag official stated
that not one bomb has yet fallen on Germany, ensuring
the Fuhrer has kept his promise to the German people.
When questioned about the recent destruction of Hamburg,
Dusseldorf and regions of West Berlin, the official admitted
that currently Germany has an arsonist problem, which
is being dealt with swiftly and efficiently. Blame has
been placed on people with the name "Dave."
These people have been blamed for the starting of fires
every night in co-ordination with enemy planes flying
over our land in an attempt to steal our woman and children
for terrible experiments and to feed their generals who
are cannibals!
 A
spokesman for the Bavarian police constabulary said "All
sie people named Dave in sie area have been rounded up
und sent to detention zentres across sie land!… Vie expect
to see a drop in sie numbers of fires in sie region, particularly
as vie have hidden several of our major cities by erecting
large blow up trees ontop of sie important buildings,
making zem seem like sey are forest land, please do not
tell anyone sis!"
The recent spate of firebombing is likely to stop shortly
because of the stepped up police effort against Daves
everywhere, and also the improved Flak and night fighter
defences should stop abductions of our citizens for the
allied general's dinner parties.
Remember though, this does not make you safe, please remember
to take out your new government insurance policy which
covers you in the event of abduction by allied aircraft
to be eaten by their general staff!
This new insurance voids the insurance on your home in
case of theft or fire but protects you against allied
abduction, and it is only 3000 Reichsmarks more than you
are currently paying.
In other news all insurance claims since 1939 for "bomb
damage" have now been made void because there is no proof
of any bombs falling on Germany.
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