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Unexplained Sheep Mutilations: the mystery deepens

MANCHESTER -- The mysterious events at a Manchester higher education campus have continued to bewilder scientists and animal rights activists.

In happier times, ruminants grazing by the Manchester bunker complex.
You first notice it as you get off the M62. What was once an idyllic rural scene has now become a nightmare for the inhabitants, some of whom have very expensive houses. As you look closer, you see concrete pyramids in geometric patterns, large blackened areas of ground and a landscape pockmarked by craters and terror.
And the haunted, jaded eyes of the local sheep tell the same tale. Something has happened here. Something unexpected. Something Terrifying.

Of particular note are the strange handprints found on each flank of the sheep, with their faces blank as if something too horrible to countenance has befallen them: their only refuge a retreat to an inner world where the horrors of the past can touch them no longer.

Mysterious monoliths appearing in several pub car-parks
Countryside groups, mainly composed of fine-upstanding law-abiding landowners, have also been living in fear. According to one landowner "we have seen so much disruption to our way of life these past weeks. Quite simply we are enraged. The local animals and wildlife are all so terrified it has considerably reduced our pleasure at killing them, and we find we have to chase them for an extra 2 miles to get the same buzz out of it".

In Manchester city center, once an orderly place of gun-crime, drug abuse and prostitution, the empty streets tell a different story. A wave of teenage pregnancy among students has baffled many senior statisticians. These young mothers, each spouting various.shtmlects of marxist revolutionary thought, have been patrolling the streets. Even wealthy advertising-men and accountants have been the victim of their hate.

Master-minding the defence of the district since just before it started happening, Captain Fat Elvis of the GD Navy has been striving to get to the bottom of it.

Do you know what is happening to Manchester? Have your say.