One Nation Under God
America started when some pilgrims came from England (thats near
London and Paris). They didnt have much, only their dream of a
better future and a life where they could make their own religious
TV broadcasts without the constraints of taste and decency.
When they had killed and eaten most of the Injuns (celebrated
every year as thanksgiving), God looked down on them and gave
them the fruitful harvest of all the buffalo, which they killed
and ate too.
They were just about to have a nice cup of tea when the nasty
brits wanted more taxes. So we started a patriotic revolution
about the tax on tea, which we won, but not after Mel Gibson had
made a few rousing speeches that always bring a tear to the eye
of my dear old momma.
With a bunch of slaves shipped in from Africa the pilgrim fathers
were able to build some of the world's finest cotton plantations.
The Irish became the world's best dustmen and it wasn't long before
the pilgrim fathers realised they hadnt got any porn, so they
invaded california. It was in this battle that John Wayne died
defending the Alamo from a whole bunch of mexicans, who hated
the U S of A for its Freedom.
We saved limey Ass
We keep on saving limey ass. In world war two when we were fighting
the Viet-cong we stopped the satanic squinty eyed hordes from
crossing the atlantic and invading Europe. Elvis Presley and JFK
were both heroes in this battle, single handedly routing the Nazis
at Iwo Jima. I saw a film with Tom Cruise in it too and that was
very informative, luckily we have yes sirree the best medicare
in the world for famous people, and we were able to glue both
his legs back on in time for him to save limey ass again in vietnam
where he wins the battle of britain and captures some communist
documents in a uboat. It totally rocks.
We didn't lose Vietnam
No sir! thats a lie made by the gun-control lobby, who have signed
a pact with Beelzebub to stop God's faithful defending themselves
from Satan and goblins. If every household in the USA had a firearm,
those damned invading gooks would never have been able to steal
any vietnams from us, no sir!
Then 9/11 happened
We all remember what sort of burger or hotdog we were eating that
terrible day when we heard the news.