The rise and fall of the 1.21st Streich.
a History by Captain Fat Elvis

See also by CFE:
captured high security documents
intercepted post-match debriefing
Frontline despatches

Report from Divisional H.Q. 25.08.2001 Sudden Strike Time (SST) 25.08.1939

Radio traffic of the Gross Dachshund Division steno graphed by Private Elgar of Battlefield Communications Corps

Having been released from jail in Hamburg Captain fat Elvis and Dr jeep are ordered to the coast of France three months before the official outbreak of war.

Capt fat Elvis: ok, I'm tired hot bad tempered and I want to get to Dunkirk before this evening! Dr Jeep do you read me? Where is Dunkirk I've never heard of it? Over . . . what? no dispatches today? Gruber where are my bins?
GDdrJEEP: sorry am in light action with The Royal Signals of the B.E.F.
GDdrJEEP: will be with you in a mo! They are only equipped with radios note pads and 303's I wont be long. Over….
GDdrJEEP signed off at 21:04:33.
GDdrJEEP signed on at 21:04:37.
GDdrJEEP: this weather!
Capt fat Elvis: its summer Dr! Try opening the hatch on your panzer. Are you making progress?
GDdrJEEP: sorry about that, a tense exchange of fire but the Tummies have gone of for a cuppa so we have driven straight through them and onto objective. They were very good about it really.
Capt fat Elvis: I have mad American chatter on intercom! I thought they weren't supposed to come into the war till 1942
GDdrJEEP: sounds scary, how is your mother?
Capt fat Elvis: she is like a big parrot that keeps a roof over my sorry head
GDdrJEEP: ha ha ja vole
Capt fat Elvis: have you made contact with the enemy again? Over….
GDdrJEEP: in about 15 minutes.
Capt fat Elvis: ok ill keep talking to this mad American.
GDdrJEEP: just got to go to the shop, be right with you
Capt fat Elvis: no problem
GDdrJEEP signed off at 21:13:23.
GDdrJEEP signed on at 21:13:28.
Capt fat Elvis: I think it (the American) might be female, one mo!
GDdrJEEP: i'm back!
GDdrJEEP: sure? I say, what!
Capt fat Elvis: it's a bird (the American) that looks after wild animals in Michigan!
GDdrJEEP: cool, forget the war! something's are more important!
Capt fat Elvis: she's probably a 25 stone bloke called Bubba in a maximum security prison.
GDdrJEEP: don't be choosy Capt fat Elvis: I don't like the name Bubba!
GDdrJEEP: I'm just composing the new Divisional drinking anthem have you got any ideas?
Capt fat Elvis: yes I was concussed on Wednesday and am only just coming round.
Capt fat Elvis: she dumped me! (the American)
Capt fat Elvis: I started taking about nerves and rashes and she just left! GDdrJEEP: oh my god!
Capt fat Elvis: where did I go wrong?
GDdrJEEP: don't worry; maybe you'll see Bubba again
Capt fat Elvis: I'm single again!
GDdrJEEP: she might have run off to get her three gorgeous friends for a group meeting!
Capt fat Elvis: I’m too tired!
Capt fat Elvis: how do I record conversations on intercom by the way?
GDdrJEEP: drag your Private over to the radio and get him to write it all down.
Capt fat Elvis: ok thanks, for someone who worked a week in book burning and pasted up flyers for Nat West I have forgotten a lot!
GDdrJEEP: the Division got its 500th confirmed kill today!
Capt fat Elvis: I saw that a few days ago it was still in the 300’s!
GDdrJEEP: I know, I wonder what people make of it? I don't get much feedback
Capt fat Elvis: can you put up a kills comments board up in the officers mess or write the kills in chalk on the back of your Panzer? Are you driving a Panzer these days?
GDdrJEEP: I am getting Bware to do it, but we do need one, but I don't know when he will get the time as he has seen a lot of combat in the last few days. And in answer to your other question, yes, I'm in the latest 39 model with static light navigation and Anti-Lock caterpillar tracks, its great, get one when you next get blown up. Over…
Capt fat Elvis: my dog wet himself when I told him how well we were doing! How's that for feedback!
GDdrJEEP: I am going to issue a challenge to another clan for the Thursday night drinking club, any clan you want to have a pop at?
Capt fat Elvis: I was in Desert Strikers clan but never drank with or against them, the b(interference)ds never invited me! That's the only clan I know in the area. . . over.
GDdrJEEP: I was thinking of the PFJ clan (people's front of Judea), they are about the same size as us.
GDdrJEEP: and they are a funny lot.
Capt fat Elvis: good name too, lets take them outside!
GDdrJEEP: job done, I'll inform the tribe!
Capt fat Elvis: F (interference) k me! anti tank gun firing at us! Back in a mo. Over!
Capt fat Elvis: that was close! Carry on, we're one 501 kills now! By the way.
GDdrJEEP: I’ll get a couple more holy hand grenades for the PFJ.
Capt fat Elvis: what are they? I want some, oh yes before I forget did you get my order for everything from the Division shop I promised the men in my company something in return for letting me fight from the back.
GDdrJEEP: yes, but the supply of GD branded zyklon B aftershave is getting a bit thin.
Capt fat Elvis: its ok I was sending that to Bubba.
Capt fat Elvis: I don't like him no more.
GDdrJEEP: Ha ha ja vole Bubba is going on officer's mess notice board! What's his number?
Capt fat Elvis: hang on a minuet its armpit dark out here i'm just getting all my units to turn on the frog lights we all fitted this morning.


There was then a loud popping sound a crackle and radio silence. The division are still waiting to make contact with both companies.

See also by CFE:
captured high security documents
intercepted post-match debriefing
Frontline despatches